Thursday, September 8. 2005
Impeccable Communication (Part Three)
Love and respect makes it worthwhile to communicate and hear the hard stuff. With it, when I receive feedback, I am blessed with instant learning and new depth in the relationship. With it, when I give feedback, whether it is to the waiter or my colleague, I honor the other. If you believe as I do, that we are all connected, then your respect and love for others will come around full circle back to you.
Tell the Truth Without Blame or Judgment is the third part of Impeccable Communication.
It’s natural to have judgments. Portions of our brains are dedicated to this task. As children, we learn to differentiate ourselves from others and discern between complex options. Judgment can be useful in making choices that help us survive and thrive. However, judgment often becomes prejudice that limits the depth of connection. As we strive to evolve, judgment must be checked.
- Keep an open mind
Monitor what you think and feel, own up to and let go of judgments as best you can before you speak to someone else. And don’t cling to your truths. Allow yourself to see with a new perspective. This takes practice.
- Take responsibility for yourself
The way you feel, think and act are always your responsibility. Use the tool outlined under Unraveling the Story in the edition called The Truth Will Set You Free to help you determine what about a situation is fact versus your interpretation.
- Use a healthy feedback model
When you have a complaint, turn it into constructive feedback using a process like this:
1. Permission
Start by asking permission to give feedback: “I have some feedback I’d like to give you. Is this a good time for us to talk?”
2. Share out of love and respect for the other
When the other person is ready, share the reason why you are giving the feedback. “I’m telling you this because our relationship is important to me and I love you very much.”
3. Share the facts and your feelings
“When you (did or said) _______, I felt _______.”
4. Own your judgments and interpretations
“My judgment about that was . . . ". Take care not to convey blame or intend shame.
5. Share what you want now
“What I’d like now is . . .” Do your best to know what you want to have happen between you in the future before the conversation begins. Take care to language this in positive terms. This is not about what you don’t want or what you would’ve wanted. Ideally, you’ll ask for something that benefits both of you. Ask for what you want straight up, without manipulation. We can’t expect others to know what we want. And, we can’t expect to get what we want if we don’t know or aren’t willing ask for it.
6. Ask for feedback in return
Even with the best intentions and purest motivation, we cannot control the impact of our communication. Listen and watch for the impact of your words. If you don’t hear feedback, ask for it. “When I (did or said) _____, how did you feel?”
7. Listen
Allow the other person time to finish their response and any feedback to you completely before you speak again. Stay with it until you have both resolved to move forward.
Practice bringing love and respect and this method of feedback to all your relationships and watch them blossom.
Copyright © Bubbling Well – Rhonda Hess
All rights in all media reserved.
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Comments
Sun, 01.04.2009 09:44
I am actually having an "aha!" moment right now, by finding this site. I have been trying to find my "calling" for [...]Comments ()
Tue, 12.16.2008 13:25
A favorite quote to inspire le aders: "They won't care how m uch you know until they know h ow much you care"Comments ()
Thu, 12.04.2008 07:54
Mark 9:23 (King James Version) Jesus said unto him, If th ou canst believe, all things a re possible to him that [...]Comments ()
Mon, 12.01.2008 17:11
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Wed, 11.12.2008 19:20
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