Life Coaching Blog - by David Krueger

Coaching the Wellness Revolution

Bill@CoachTrainingAlliance.com (CTA Admin) — Tue, 16 Oct 2007 09:56:06 -0700

by David Krueger MD
Executive Mentor Coach

Wellness is currently a $500 billion industry and just getting started. It is about how simple choices profoundly affect our lives. Wellness integrates mind, body and spirit with a balanced flow of energy. It is an ongoing process of choices that become the stories of our lives.

Proactive or Reactive?
Sickness is reactive: people react to a specific condition or ailment. Products and services treat the symptoms of a disease or attempt to eliminate the disease.

Wellness is proactive: people seek activity, products, and services to feel healthier, reduce the effects of aging, look better, and prevent illness. Wellness is characterized by problem avoidance and prevention.

The Need for Wellness Coaching
In studies of coronary bypass patients—when their lives are at risk unless they adopt healthier lifestyles—only one in nine is able to change their habits by themselves. Other findings:

70% of health-care costs stem from preventable diseases.
(Centers for Disease Control and Prevention)
Stress undermines work productivity in 9 of 10 companies.
(Industrial Society Survey)
70-80% of physician visits are stress related.
(US Public Health Survey)
Obesity, diabetes, and heart disease have reached epidemic proportions—almost all are preventable.
(American Medical Association)
Every dollar invested in worksite wellness yields 300-600% return through reduced absenteeism, increased productivity, and decreased health-related costs. (Partnership for Prevention National Coalition)

People don’t need more advice about vitamins, supplements, how-to exercise, or 1700 calorie diets. They need a clear, specific, step-wise program for change and an informed guide to help them.

Shouldn't that guide be you? Become knowledgeable about integrating mind, body and spirit and you're well on your way to guiding your clients to wellness.

David Krueger MD was Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at Baylor College of Medicine and is now CEO of MentorPath™, an executive coaching firm helping professionals write the next chapter of their life. You can join Dr. Krueger in Coaching the Wellness Revolution. See below...

The Art & Science of Coaching Wellness

Join David Krueger, M.D. and learn his proven success strategies for health, wealth, and well-being. Dr. Krueger's wellness system integrates current research in psychology, neuroscience, and strategic coaching that directs systematic and sustainable change.

The Art & Science of Coaching Wellness includes a complete master plan as well as A ROAD MAP™ for Wellness Workbook™ including 19 tools and exercises designed to guide you to coach empowered wellness. Join the revolution! Learn more...

Coaching Outside the Box

Bill@CoachTrainingAlliance.com (CTA Admin) — Wed, 10 Oct 2007 08:40:07 -0700

by David Krueger MD
Executive Mentor Coach

Ben Fletcher at the University of Hertfordshire in the United Kingdom devised a study to get people to break their usual habits. Each day the subjects picked a different option from poles of contrasting behaviors -- lively/quiet, introvert/extrovert, reactive/proactive -- and behaved according to this assignment.

So an introverted person, for example, would act as an extrovert for an entire day. Additionally, twice weekly, they had to stretch to behave in a way outside their usual life pattern – eating or reading something they would never have done.

What do you think was the biggest change in the group?

The remarkable finding was that after four months, the subjects had lost an average of eleven pounds. And six months later, almost all had kept the weight off; some continued to lose weight. This was not a diet, but a study focusing on change and its impact.

The Underlying Principle
Requiring people to change routine behavior makes them actually think about decisions rather than habitually choosing a default mode without consideration. In having to actually process decisions actively, they exercised their choice and decision-making abilities, extending to other choices such as what to eat, and what not to. Once becoming aware of actively making choices, they could decide what’s in their best interest.

“The box” most of us are in is the result of programming and conditioning. And it is self-created in adulthood. Recognizing yourself as the author, the creator of your story challenges an assumed model and leads to the deeper question, “How do I create something else instead?” And, “What will the ‘something else’ be?” Coach outside the box and watch your clients flourish!

David Krueger MD is is CEO of MentorPath, an executive coaching firm tailored to the needs of professionals, and author of The Sage and Scholar's Guide to Coaching Professionals.

Success Strategies for Coaching Professionals

(David Krueger) — Wed, 06 Sep 2006 07:35:24 -0700

David Krueger

by David Krueger, MD

Coaching is only beginning to be discovered by professionals in legal, financial, medical, and architectural arenas. These practicing professionals tend to be highly and specifically trained at what they do, think rigorously and want active collaboration.

They have in common a career dedicated to a body of knowledge, with clients or patients who come to them for the sole purpose of purchasing their expertise. Their precise training solves specialized problems of medical illness, emotional struggles, legal issues or tax matters.

Coaching professionals offers unique opportunities and challenges. They can benefit from coaching to:

Know themselves better
Understand the dynamics of human behavior
Pursue personal development as vigorously as they pursue professional advancement
Transition from work ethic to performance ethic
Emotionally and strategically manage career transitions
Market their expertise and business

In my upcoming telecourse, The Art and Science of Coaching Professionals you'll receive an in-depth look at the coaching theory and application that is extremely useful for professionals, as well as for all your clients.

I invite you to join me as we explore how to get inside your client's head to catalyze change and discover the most powerful and effective secret we have as coaches.

David Krueger, M.D. is Lead Mentor Coach of the CTA Certified Coach Program and author of 12 books. He is hosting the telestrategy course on Coaching Professionals beginning September 11th. See below....

The Art & Science of
Coaching Professionals

The great thing about coaching professionals is there's no "hard sell" needed to bring them into your practice. What is needed is overcoming the hidden obstacles.

Join David Krueger, M.D. and learn authentic success strategies for working with dynamic, knowledgeable and coachable clients. Dr. Krueger shares the highly effective techniques and novel approaches he's developed for coaching top level professionals in all fields.

STARTS MONDAY, learn more...

Create a Map for Your Success - Why People Give Up on Their Goals - And How Not To!

(David Krueger) — Wed, 24 May 2006 08:19:49 -0700

David Krueger

By David Krueger, M.D.
Goal-setting, especially having the proper tools to structure goals, is crucial for long-term achievement. The usual problem, though, is not setting goals but completing them.

While a vision involves creativity and foresight, goals require strategy and dedication.

An extensive study on goal-setting by Marshall Goldsmith and Laurence Lyons helps us understand an essential component: why people give up on goals. Here, according to Goldsmith and Lyons, are six of the most common reasons people give up on goals:

Lack of Ownership. It's necessary to buy into one's goals, to take ownership. Doing so shifts the initiative to an internal point of reference. Then effectiveness and mastery can result.

Time. Goal setters tend to underestimate the time it will take to complete the task (an optimism bias), leading to giving up.

Difficulty. The optimism bias equally applies to difficulty as well as time.

Distractions. People tend to underestimate the distractions and noise of competing goals.

Inadequate Rewards. Disappointment sets in when achievement of a goal fails to translate into other goals or to yield the desired happiness.

Maintenance. Maintaining changed behavior is difficult, and there is always the pull of the old and the fear of the new.

Create a Map
A successful journey involves three critical steps: determining where you are now, deciding where you want to go, and figuring out how to get there.

Creating a plan and plotting a course allows you to stay on track, recognize and avoid detours and distractions, measure progress, and move effectively toward goals. Without a plan, you cannot know where you are, nor strategize to get to where you want to go. If you don't know where you want to go (a goal), you can't figure out how to get there.

Eleven Steps to Ignite Success

The following steps will guide success when coupled with the blueprint of how to establish specific, attainable goals:

Have your needs and values in sharp focus.

Know what you do uniquely well.

Assess specific strengths, passions and weaknesses

Establish SMART goals: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-bound.

Determine three key initiatives to take for each goal (timetable: 1û2 weeks).

Decide on the next best action for each initiative (timetable: 2û3 days).

Structure a strategy to reach and stretch each goal.

Increase tolerance of planned risk with associated fear.

Focus on specific results, action and momentum regarding goals.

Continue assessment of disciplined activity with refinement of goals.

Endorse your progress.

The time frame for each objective must be specified so that the sense of mastery can occur. A goal may have a several month time frame. Each goal should have an initiative that can occur within the next several days, and each initiative should have a next best action, to begin within the next day or do.

Applying SMART Goals to Your Personal Mission Statement

You can use these five key questions to apply SMART goals to your personal mission statement:

WHO?
Who should accomplish the objective? In conjunction with others? Should certain aspects be delegated?

WHAT?
What must happenö focuses on specific outcomes within a particular time frame to achieve a goal. Each outcome should be specific, measurable, achievable, relevant and time-bound.

HOW?
How to accomplish the goal may be a co-created exploration and discussion of possible approaches and alternatives, but the choice of direction must come from you, because the outcome must belong to you. A commitment needs to result.

WHY?
This exploration clarifies a pathway and precisely determines the goal. If it is unclear or uncertain, the best intention would be a promise you never keep.

WHEN?
The time frame for each objective must be specified so that the sense of mastery can occur. A goal may have a several-month time frame. Each goal should have an initiative that can occur within the next several days, and each initiative should have a next best action, to begin within the next day or do.

A Framework for Change

These are the principles of change that I use in professional coaching.

Coaching fully inhabits the present moment, looking ahead to form visions and goals. In doing so, what arises in content and process becomes useful information for fashioning progress.

A story is generated in the present moment; a current story can be discerned from a new edition of an old story. It becomes evident in the process when someone is recycling an old story, manifesting limiting assumptions, or not fully pursuing success. For example, procrastination informs about readiness; resistance guides implementation strategy; fear announces desire; intention forms commitment to action.

The coaching frame is the same as what you can ask yourself: What needs to be done to begin change that I am willing to do today? What will I do tomorrow to further my goals? The coaching model has the end in mind from the beginning.

The experience of effectiveness and sense of mastery are self-validating and generate energy. Consistently creating a new experience changes both your mind and brain.

(More on the latter next issue.)

DAVID KRUEGER, M.D. is CEO of MentorPath, an executive coaching practice tailored to the needs of coaches, entrepreneurs and healing professionals. He is Mentor and Training Coach at Coach Training Alliance. He is author of 11 books on success, money, work and self-development.

Life’s Ground Rules, Part 2

(David Krueger) — Tue, 09 May 2006 08:01:29 -0700

David Krueger

30 Essential Caveats of Successful Being
David Krueger MD

1. Our experiences are always consistent with our theories, so it is helpful to know our theories quite well.
2. We are always teaching people how to respond to us.
3. The only people who seem perfect are the ones we really don't know.
4. Remember that we are always and inevitably comparing our inside with everyone else’s outside.
5. Lessons are repeated, though perhaps in different forms, until they are learned. The relationship is always the greatest teacher.
6. The things we learn we knew all along, though perhaps in a different form.
7. We are always a novice at each new step and stage of life. (By the time we’ve got certain things down, like parenting, we aren't it anymore).
8. Each person will always give you the answers; sometimes, you have to listen very carefully to learn the questions.
9. Remember what's really important.
10. We learn to love by loving.
11. The more love you give away, the more you have left.
12. Being effective and experiencing mastery is the most fundamental of all human needs.
13. A good teacher shows you step-by-step that what you're looking for is what you already have.
14. Keep your eye on the ball and your head in the game.
This adage from my favorite coach spoke of life as well: one focused step at a time, yet with a direction and destination.
15. You don't have to know all the answers, just get inside your experience and you will be informed. When your head and your gut both agree, you'll never go wrong.
16. Not everything we learn is necessarily something we want to learn.
17. For each new stage of life, we are so young at being older.
18. Flowers blossom toward the sunshine, not away from the dark.
19. Every lived experience is important and is stored in some way, though not all is retrievable by words and conscious memory.
20. Just as a child gives birth to parents, two people give birth to a relationship. Both are more work than you ever imagined, and both are more rewarding than you ever could have imagined.
21. We need not be filled with knowing, but of caring to learn. Preserve the curiosity and openness of a beginner's mind.
22. It may not be necessary to understand everything, just as there are some things which can be understood only after it has happened. Sometimes you can only get ready for something after it has already occurred.
23. The most fundamental need children have is to look into the mirror of their parents' belief in them. Same with adults. Our belief in our children is eternalized to become their belief in themselves, so that they do not dream too little, imagine too low, or play too small. Same with adults.
24. Nothing in the world is more important than the bond that the child develops in the relationship with each parent. Later, the same with adults in significant relationships.
25. Bertrand Russell said, "The fundamental defect of fathers is that they want their children to be a credit to them." Same with mothers. Same with spouses. Same with CEO's.
26. Everything we do matters. A corollary: what we do always comes back, though sometimes in altered forms.
27. Focus. Don't water last year's crops. Don't go to the hardware store for milk. Wishes don't wash dishes. (My grandmother).
28. What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. (Ralph Waldo Emerson).
29. A true freedom is not needing someone else to respond in a particular way in order to proceed or to be happy.
30. We define ourselves by the choices we made, chose what information we receive, and decide who we follow to influence us. Destiny is a step-by-step choice.

Lifes Ground Rules

(David Krueger) — Wed, 03 May 2006 08:21:41 -0700

David Krueger

by David Krueger, MD

Some Paradoxes and Antipodes Regarding Successful Change

1. You most engage what you run away from; running away is a very specific, focused, motivated action.

2. Acceptance is not acquiescence.

3. Passivity is a very determined activity. Forgetting is as active a process as remembering. Doing nothing is a specific decision, process and work product.

4. It is rare to see fully all that there is, yet nothing else.

5. To require that others respond to you as exactly you want means you give them control over you.

6. If you influence others to respond in the specific way that you want, and they do, you have rendered them inauthentic in your mind.

7. Activity is not necessarily the same as productivity; doing does not equate with being.

8. Assumptions and beliefs, like traumas, are ways of stopping time.

9. “More” is not a goal, but because it is elusive, it has appeal as a container of hope and happiness.

10. Suffering and desire are the two secrets we cannot keep.

11. See it big. Keep it simple.

12. Be aware of definitive statements that foreclose exploration. A statement by one man was sufficient to explain all the unexplainable to him: “All women are females.”

13. You can be strong if you allow yourself to be weak.

14. The only thing constant is change. Often the hardest work is accepting the changes.

15. The loss of the illusion is more difficult than the loss of the real thing.

16. The more you run away from something, the more apparent it becomes.

17. We criticize, perhaps to prove that we do not posses the fault.

18. Both opposition and conformity occupy the same prison.

19. Only when you feel fully secure can you be aware of how afraid you were before.

20. Fighting something engages it; accepting it lets it go.

21. Only the impossible is addictive—a fantasy that has been lost but given temporary hope by proxy.

22. The answer always gives birth to and shapes the question. Only by listening to the answers can you finally give voice to the question.

23. Adolescents can teach us the depth of superficial things.

24. If you don’t change your direction, you are likely to end up where you are headed (ancient Chinese proverb).

25. Action is not the same as emotion. Judgment resides in the potential space between the two.

26. It is a moment of liberation to know that no one is binding you.

27. The most common thing that gets in the way of seeing something as it truly is, is our preconception of it. The most common thing that gets in the way of listening and understanding something, is trying to fix it.

28. Fear, change and adventure are synonyms.

29. Mistakes and successes are teachers.

30. The past is a lesson. To let go of it and learn from it is a process.

31. “Finding” yourself is creating yourself.

32. All you have to do is the next right thing. Sometimes it isn’t clear what the next right thing is, but you can almost always be clear as to what it isn’t.

Antipodes

The opposite of perfect is real.
The opposite of fear is freedom.
The opposite of control is mastery.
The opposite of doing is being.
The opposite of repetition is creativity.
The opposite of working harder is working smarter.

David Krueger, MD (www.mentorpath.com) is the former Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at Baylor College of Medicine where he practiced and taught Psychiatry and Psychoanalysis. He is author of 12 books and founded and served as CEO of two healthcare corporations. Dr. Krueger is now the Dean of Curriculum and Lead Mentor for Coach Training Alliance where he teaches the Certified Coach Program.

The Power of a Vision

(David Krueger) — Tue, 02 May 2006 09:11:06 -0700

David Krueger

by David Krueger, MD

A while ago I spoke at an executive seminar. I had been thinking of an exciting way to present the concept of a vision to these professionals and it turned out very well.

The room was packed with marketing executives who came to hear coaching on how to create the hottest new market tool: their own book. I stepped up to the podium and asked, "Have any of you seen a yellow jeep in the past month?" They registered disbelief and puzzlement as they realized I was waiting for a response to a legitimate question. Finally one person tentatively raised his hand, as though he were still questioning either my seriousness or his memory.

I told them they could see a yellow jeep now, if they wanted to. I asked them to close their eyes and visualize a yellow jeep, the specific detail of how it looked from different angles, how it felt when they touched it, how the interior smelled. Then I told them to open their eyes and to call or email me if they happened to spot a yellow jeep in the coming days. Almost everyone contacted me to report their first sighting in the following week, most in the first two days.

What's my point you ask?

Vision is a Powerful Thing

People see what they look for and want to make sense of what they see. And what they look for what appears on the radar screen is determined by belief and assumption.

For example, the most common reason people don't earn more money and accumulate wealth is that they don't see themselves capable of it. Once someone genuinely sees himself or herself as capable of doing it, all sorts of thing begin to happen. The number of yellow jeeps or wealth existing in the world doesn't change, you just code your radar for possibility.

What is A Vision?

We always here motivational speakers talking about vision how important it is, how we should all have it, and so on. But what is a vision? And how do we actually create one?

Establishing a vision requires both art and science. Vision crystallizes possibility into a fundamental, articulated idea. Constructing a vision gives hope to possibility a shape and form. Essentially, you must inhabit the entire experience of your vision in order to create it. Does that make sense? If not keep reading.

A vision serves as an inspiration that can be used to design a path to your goals. The most successful businesses have a vision that is also ubiquitous for each person in the organization. The most successful people have crystal clear visions as well and they've had it since long before they were successful.

Constructing A Vision

The most important point to make here is this you must construct your own vision. No one else can ghostwrite a successful vision for you.

To start, clearly define the criteria to measure success. Just saying 'I want to change,' I want to start my life over,' or 'I want to be happy,' are all imprecise goals. They might work great in the movies, but they won't serve you any real purpose. So you need to nail out a precise and genuine vision.

Next, create positive terms for success. Develop your criteria in positive terms of what you want and what you will do. For example, don't say that you want to stop doing something that's negative. Instead, say you want to start doing something in place of that. By looking at the positive, you are creating an attractive goal.

Be specific, simple, and concrete. Vague and theoretical criteria are not useful because there is no way to live in a theory. Theory might work great in textbooks, but you can't live in a textbook either.

To test if this vision works for you, visualize your destination, not the series of steps to get there. Picture yourself in the final stage of your objective. How does that feel? Does it make sense? If not, you may want to hone your vision.

Putting Vision to the Test

Now it's time to complete the vision. Picture yourself as though you have just accomplished your goal at a specific time in the future, such as one year from now. Set a specific time and place. Imagine the details of the scene, engaging all senses and thoughts.

For example, if your vision is to make a big sale, picture the values and needs fulfilled, the money you have made, the details of what you are doing, and the feeling of shaking hands and ushering someone out of your office. Feels pretty good, right?

Put the Vision to Action

Carve out a few moments at some point each day to read this vision. You're programming a message for success in your mind by creating the experience of having achieved it.

David Krueger, MDD (www.mentorpath.com) is the former Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at Baylor College of Medicine where he practiced and taught Psychiatry and Psychoanalysis. He is author of 12 books and founded and served as CEO of two healthcare corporations. Dr. Krueger is now the Dean of Curriculum and Lead Mentor for Coach Training Alliance where he teaches the Certified Coach Program.

How To Manage The Intoxication Of Success

(David Krueger) — Mon, 24 Apr 2006 08:26:16 -0700

David Krueger

by David Krueger, MD

On a person's quest for success it can sometimes be difficult to deal with major victories and triumphs. While that may seem like an odd statement the fact is many people are not prepared for huge success, even if they see it coming all along.

Look at it this way, if a frog were placed in boiling hot water, it would immediately jump out and survive. If however, the frog were put in cold water and the temperature were to rise gradually one degree at a time over a long period of time, the frog would ultimately die because of not perceiving the water as hot. Gradual success can be just as sinister.

Too Much Too Fast

The pursuit of success can be just as dangerous and therefore can lead to "success intoxication". Simply put success intoxications is getting too much too fast.

Think about it like this: With the increasing stimulation of success, the demand on energy escalates; The amount of time at work increases; It's hard to relax because excess is invigorating; Self-esteem is inflated because of the constant affirmation.

Beyond that, the metrics of success exaggerate in terms of money, accolades, and accomplishments. After all, once you've achieved so much in such little time, wouldn't it be natural to want more the next time?

The inherent problem with quick success is the fact that each single increment is justifiable and blurs the big picture. In the case of the frog in water, every time the temperature increases by a degree, the frog probably won't even notice. When the heat finally does become apparent, it will be too late.

The pattern is so gradual that it isn't noticed until perhaps some profound event brings it into focus. A crisis may occur in your personal or professional life, such as a layoff, a business closure, a health emergency, or a life-changing event such as death or divorce.

Pivotal Questions

To prevent success intoxication, ask yourself these seven questions:

What is the finish line?
Do you have a set goal in mind, or are you just trying to see how far you can get before you collapse? As funny as that may sound, many people don't envision an end. While you don't ever need to stop entirely, it would be wise to set an objective for each task.

Who do you want to be when you cross it?
Following up to the last point, how will reaching this objective change you? Surely it will affect you in some way, be it financially, physically, emotionally, etc.

What is enough?
Will there come a time when you are happy with what you have? Again, you should never stop aspiring, but you should be content at some point.

How will you know when you have enough?
This is a very important question to answer for one simple reason: in the heat of moment, you won't be able to. Decide in advance what you want so that when you get there, you'll know when to relax.

What are your specific metrics for success?
There is no right or wrong, but there is such a thing as consistency. Set your own metrics for success and stick to them.

How much of your identity is determined by these external benchmarks of success?
This is a very telling question and one that you should put thought into. While success certainly raises your confidence and morale, does it truly define you as a person?

Your Mission

The intoxication of success makes it harder to regulate emotions and to stay grounded in values and identity. When someone has exceptional qualities, such as athletic ability, beauty, intellect, or wealth, these can become defining they can also eclipse other aspects. For example, a remarkable athlete or entrepreneur can get so enmeshed in a pursuit that he/she gets lost, the quest becomes an identity.

To combat this, I recommend creating a personal mission statement. Your mission statement summarizes your philosophy, goals, and strategies, basically what you are all about. As you create your personal mission statement, consider these 6 principles:

** Keep your values in focus so success doesn't compromise them
** Outline your basic needs so they aren't subjugated to the pursuit of success
** Understand that more is not a goal; if it is, get more specific
** Define what good enough is (the best is not an answer, get more specific)
** Design short-term, measurable goals to validate your progress
** Use, invest, and refurbish your energy based on your mission statement

Stay Sober

Success is something we are all looking for in one form or another. Chasing it can be exhilarating and fulfilling. Just make sure you can control yourself; intoxication is no fun when you have no way out.

David Krueger, MD (www.mentorpath.com) is the former Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at Baylor College of Medicine where he practiced and taught Psychiatry and Psychoanalysis. He is author of 12 books and founded and served as CEO of two healthcare corporations. Dr. Krueger is now the Dean of Curriculum and Lead Mentor for Coach Training Alliance where he teaches the Certified Coach Program. (www.coachtrainingalliance.com).

6 Signposts for a Successful Journey

(David Krueger) — Tue, 18 Apr 2006 12:04:57 -0700

David Krueger

by David Krueger MD

How does change occur? To simply stop doing something is not complete change. Abstaining from an old story-stuckness or compromising repetitions, just like abstaining from excessive drinking or eating-is a beginning. A new lived experience is required, one that you repeat until it creates new circuits and neuronal networks in your brain.

We are not hard-wired for life. To create new experiences changes neuronal pathways and networks in the brain, transforms neurotransmitters, and even alters gene expression. New choreography in the ballet at the synaptic cleft alters brain structure along with function: when we change our minds, we change our brains. Neuroscience validates how powerful creating a new story is.

How can we facilitate change?
We can foster change by conscious practices and effective tools. An infinite sea of new patterns and possibilities can be created to further new goals. The caveat: You have to take action to diminish preprogrammed responses and to write new script for new experiences-a new story has to replace the old one. There are no short cuts, since long term change requires consistent practice to groove new neural pathways and establish new neuronal networks. But there are effective and efficient methods to accelerate optimum change and insure transformation.

Identify the Signposts

In each successful journey, there are identifiable markers.

1. Precisely specify the goal and agenda.
Clarify your agenda so that it is clear, specific, and simple. If the goal is not clear, the agenda and strategy cannot be precise. Be very specific about a goal-e.g., "getting fit" is not a goal but an outcome. Maintain focus on a specific issue until you have clarity. If there is no focus on an agenda, there can be no effectiveness or success.

2. Determine what needs to happen.
Identify what you need to do to further the goal of your agenda. This clarity will catalyze an approach to the needed steps.

For example, if you feel overwhelmed at work with the amount of tasks, clarify one issue that can be dealt with effectively within the next day. This focus on a specific action exercises effectiveness and initiates a model of mastery for the next step.

3. Convert obstacles into intentions.
Internal obstacles such as fear or doubt that may seem to "stop" you are personal creations. Convert a fear or obstacle into an intention, with a commitment to a next best action. For example, if you are afraid of public speaking, an intention might be to join Toastmasters.

4. Highlight the solutions.
When you form a plan and immerse yourself in the process, problems dissolve into the possibilities.

5. Facilitate internal change and external change.
With a new experience, anxiety and trepidation are expectable. You are in new territory, without familiar landmarks. When you are in your integrity in this new experience, feeling anxious or uncertainty is a signpost of progress, as opposed to a signal of danger as in the old story.

6. Follow-up.
Continue to focus on your goals and strategies. What works and what doesn't are both important. Writing your next chapter is about looking at what happens next, and considering what happens after what happens next.

Remember: the usual problem is not setting goals but completing them.

David Krueger, MD (www.mentorpath.com) is the former Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at Baylor College of Medicine where he practiced and taught Psychiatry and Psychoanalysis. He is author of 12 books and founded and served as CEO of two healthcare corporations. Dr. Krueger is now the Dean of Curriculum and Lead Mentor for Coach Training Alliance where he teaches the Certified Coach Program

The Question...

(David Krueger) — Tue, 07 Mar 2006 09:50:58 -0800

David Krueger

I am a very empathetic person. I started out many years ago in Social Work, but got out as I was identifying too closely with situations/clients, and taking it personally when things did not work out, even if this was due to the client's own lack of commitment to the process. I changed fields completely. I am now considering getting in to coaching. I have grown in personal strength, but the one main concern I have is that I will again be too empathetic with my potential clients. Any words of wisdom?

Empathy is to listen from inside the experience of another person without getting lost there. Empathy describes a listening perspective-a point of reference to resonate with and understand another's POV. Empathy is not the same as kindness, sympathy, consolation, gratification, or commiseration. Empathy positions one foot in the shoe of another's experience to understand their framework.

To lose oneself in another is the antithesis of empathy.

Attunement is another aspect of empathy and coaching attuned to what the client is omitting, and to stick up for aspects of someone not yet activated or in awareness. An attuned listener, a coach, focuses now and across time: the client's vision, goals, initiatives to take for each goal, and the next best action for each initiative.

Two things to be particularly aware of that can jam the signal:

Remarkable similarities of background or style, where the parallel experiences make you assume you know without listening carefully " Likewise, significant differences of background, culture, or personality may require focused attention to develop common ground. And a caveat:

Each person is always making self statements--their unique, personal experience and point of view even when talking about someone or something else. Three people stand shoulder to shoulder and observe the same event, and each of their stories of the event will be different self-statements of each individual's perspective from unique life experiences. The most common thing that gets in the way of seeing something as it truly is, is our preconception of it.

The most common thing that gets in the way of listening and understanding something is trying to fix it. Your question and concern will best be answered in Coach training, where you'll learn and practice the difference between doing and being.

A good coach shows you, step by step, that what you're looking for is what you already have.

When is it appropriate for a coach to offer his/her own ideas, insight and strategies to the client?

(David Krueger) — Fri, 03 Mar 2006 10:16:56 -0800

David Krueger

Professional Coaches typically rely on incisive questions to guide clients to their own insights and decisions-to experience mastery without superimposing the coach's own agenda or solutions. While a basic technique of coaching is asking powerful questions and listening deeply together for the answers, coaches apply different interventions. Asking questions and observing the process is an influential technique. But a technique shouldn't become a rule. The principle is: what is needed to further the client's objective and enable forward movement? Another principle in coaching: listen to your gut and pay attention to hunches that you have about your client. Common sense will inform the application of your intuition.
Clients need more than just questions, especially when they're in new territory, without a map. In addition to powerful questions, coaches engage clients in the following ways:

Offer ideas and insights.
For example, the client is afraid of not making enough money.
Since fear is guide to desire, the challenge is offered," How can you convert that fear into an intention?"

Strategize to achieve goals.
Strategies include SMART (Simple, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, Time-bound), and understanding human dynamics and behavior.

Explain.

Client says: "The universe is conspiring against me to present obstacles as I get more successful."

Coach: "When you move ahead, you are aware of bumps in the road-if you weren't proceeding, you wouldn't encounter those bumps."

Advise.
Some forward movement can be a simple suggestion based on the coach's experience, or the client's blind spot.

Story-bust.
Question or challenge automatic, habitual behavior, or limiting assumptions that persists even when they don't work.

Give information.
The client may need guidance toward resources and information.

Regulate state of mind

The client learns about states of mind, and how to access which state works best for a particular task. For example, the client may need to get calm, and become grounded/centered in the present moment in order to have access to both right and left brain synthesis in focusing on an issue. Or strategize about how to build in a contemplative space before action.

18 Strategies for Avoiding Change

(David Krueger) — Wed, 01 Mar 2006 07:50:02 -0800

David Krueger

by David Krueger, MD

Change is not simple. Otherwise, why would we repeat behavior that doesn't work, especially those actions that lead to stifling debt, disappointing careers, or stuck relationships?

(And then do it harder yet expect a different result!)

Why is it not obvious to us that trying to exit an old story by simply writing a better ending only recreates the same story over again and ensures that we remain in it? That a thousand better endings to an old story don't create a new story? That the past cannot be changed and is a settled matter? That too often, we see ourselves as the victims of the stories that we author and the feelings we create?

Sometimes we become able to engage something for the first time only through our efforts to deny it. Here are 18 time-honored, proven strategies for avoiding change; perhaps one or more of these will ring the bell of familiarity.

1. Focus on the system.
Devote special attention to the things that seem frustrating, out of your control, and impossible to address: politics, corporations, and economics. Systems must remain in focus as broad categories in order to feel distanced and disaffected.

2. Maintain a focus on theory.
Avoid detail, singular aspects, and application. Remain theoretical about how to transform various systems, about what needs to be done, maintaining the frustration of what seems to continue out of your control.

3. Be oppositional.
Believe that the answer will appear when you step out of the box, or when you simply oppose the system.

4. Keep the point of reference external.
Keep believing that the antithesis of conformity is opposition; know that one or the other of these external points of reference, conformity, or opposition holds the real truth.

5. Do not decide.
Allow the urgency of a situation to decide for you. The gravity of a last-minute emergency forces action and avoids planning. Waiting for the deadline excuses responsibility for thoroughness and excellence.

6. Retreat to the rulebook.
Maintain a steadfast belief that the answer is more rules and further structure.

7. Debate the obvious.
And give energy to the controversial.

8. Believe in experts unequivocally.
Believe their expertise is authoritative. Dismiss any notion that expertise is perceived, processed, and filtered through assumptions, belief systems, and prejudices of experts.

9. Avoid seeking your own information.
Refrain from developing your own solutions when you have experts to listen to. Rather, find someone to provide a map for you and avoid anyone who wants to help you develop your own guidance system to navigate.

10. Stay logical.
Always find some cause-and-effect relationship to explain things otherwise not understandable. Maintain a consistent external focus to blame someone, or find some tangible explanation that offers a specific, concrete focus on what is wrong.
(Warning: Much work is required to maintain this caveat, as you must be certain that the obstacle can never be totally removed, or its causal effect would have to be confronted as inaccurate. The perceived cause must always be just beyond reach and remedy in order to remain as blame.)

11. Second verse, same as the first.
Keep doing the same thing and expect a different outcome. If the outcome doesn't change for the better, then do the same thing harder.

12. Be suspicious of new ideas
The old ideas are hard enough to keep track of, right?

13. And squelch them.
New ideas, being perturbators of the existing system, must be curbed or silenced.

14. Meticulously guard against mistakes.
The best way to be sure to avoid mistakes is to keep doing the same thing again and again, with perfection as the goal.

15. Maintain a focus on failure.
Give failure the proper respect, even fear, so that it remains ever in focus with its guiding principle of avoidance.

16. Beware new strategies.
Be extremely wary of new approaches and solutions, and invest instead in enforcement of the existing approach.

17. Focus on mistakes.
When you make mistakes, keep your attention on them and on your efforts to get them right.

18. Hold onto prejudices.
Hang onto those prejudices, because they are markers of emotional land mines.

As you can see, change is difficult.

In fact, the only thing harder than change is trying not to change.

WRITE A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP STORY

(David Krueger) — Thu, 23 Feb 2006 07:28:55 -0800

David Krueger

by David Krueger MD

Whether business, marriage, or neighbors, each relationship combines differing stories into a new relationship story. Like your life story, your relationship story does not just happen: each moment is a paragraph waiting to be written.

Hidden assumptions and implicit expectations can derail communication unless each point of view is expressed with simplicity and clarity. To see the point of view of the other and to communicate that understanding, each must respect the other's point of view. To understand and respect does not mean to agree.

The ultimate freedom is not to rely on someone else's response to determine how you feel about yourself.

The most common response to being unheard is to feel ineffective. This results in repetition, often combined with turning up the volume. Then, the content of the discussion gets more intense focus rather than the process of feeling unheard that initiated the derailment.

12 Business Relationship Principles

1. Each person has a point of view.
2. Communication establishes a common ground to understand different points of view and to create a mutual, collaborative agreement or plan.
3. Developing empathy with another is predicated on doing it with yourself first. Empathy is a way of listening to yourself as well as to another person's entire experience of feeling, thinking, perceiving, and behaving. Rapport is from the French word rapporter which means to be in touch or contact with a person, including yourself.
4. What someone believes is more important than what they know.
5. To require that someone else responds to you in a particular way renders inauthentic both the person and their response.
6. What you don't do is as important as what you do.
7. Strike while the iron is cold. Known when to be reflective and invoke principles. When the house is burning is no time to teach fire safety principles.
8. There are few true emergencies in life. "I'd like to think about that and get back to you" is a response.
9. How empathic ruptures are learned from, understand, and repaired becomes a core maintenance aspect of every relationship. Everyone fails empathically with another at times. The most important thing may not be what you have done, but what you do after what you have done.
10. To forgive someone is to free yourself; if you hold on to anger and hurt, you continue to hold the injury.
11. You cannot change yourself by first trying to change someone else. The only person you can change is you. Attempting to change someone else's mode of processing or personality style won't work--and will create derailments. Quicken software cannot be changed or rehabilitated to WordPerfect.
12. To have someone live an unexpressed part of yourself can be both unsatisfying and addictive.

A Relationship Story Exercise

Reflect on what you have learned from previous contacts:

How did I do in my last conversation? How do I feel about that?

What patterns in my relationship and conversations do I want to change? To outgrow?

What patterns in my relationship and conversations do I want to expand? To initiate?

What judgments do I make of myself around this person? What judgments do I make of him/her?

What judgments or criticism do I assume and expect?

Prepare for co-creating a new relationship story:

Outline the basic aspects of the story you want to create.

Consider your frame of mind prior to your communication. Get centered in your body and relaxed.

Further the agenda:

What do we each want from the other?

What do we each need from the other?

Am I relying on this person to provide some need or want that I could provide for myself

What could I communicate to convey precisely what I want and need?

Do I know precisely how my collaboration partner sees the issues?

Foster the process of communication:

With emotionally charged topics, reflect back to your partner what you hear him or her saying before offering your point. This reflection assures the other's sense of effectiveness-to know that you register what was said. The other person is then in a better position to listen to you.

Am I being all of myself in the relationship?

Am I being aware not to take things personally?

How could I better support my collaboration partner?

While all business is conversation, based on a relationship, successful collaborations between individuals or groups relies on other sets of considerations: competence, shared values and policies, mutually constructed individual and collective goals, and clear role responsibility and authority. This relationship exercise can expedite full expression and development of these other aspects of business alliances.

We are always communicating; there are many languages, and some even use words.

David Krueger, MD is Mentor and Trainer Coach and Dean of Curriculum at Coach Training Alliance, where he offers an innovative Certified Professional Coach Program for Health Care Specialists.
He practiced and taught Psychiatry and Psychoanalysis as Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at Baylor College of Medicine, is author of 12 books on success, money, work, and self-development, and founded and served as CEO of two healthcare corporations.
His web site is www.MentorPath.com

YOUR MIND'S EYE - See It To Believe it

(David Krueger) — Sat, 18 Feb 2006 09:57:30 -0800

David Krueger

by David Krueger

The seminar room was packed with marketing executives who came to hear coaching on how to create their hottest market tool: their own book. I stepped to the podium and asked, Have any of you seen a yellow jeep in the last month? They registered disbelief, and finally puzzlement as they realized I was waiting for a response to a legitimate question. Finally one person tentatively raised his hand, as though he were still questioning either my seriousness or his memory.

I told them they could see a yellow jeep, now, if they wanted to. I asked them to close their eyes and visualize a yellow jeep, the specific detail of how it looked from different angles, how it felt when they touched it, how the interior smelled.
I asked them to open their eyes, and to call or email me if they happened to spot a yellow jeep. Almost everyone contacted me to report their first sighting in the following week-- most in the first two days.

People see what they look for, and want to make sense of what they see: What does it mean? Where does it fit? What do I do with it? And what they look for-what appears on the radar screen-is determined by belief and assumption.

For example, the most common reason people don't earn more money and accumulate wealth is that they don't see themselves capable of it. Once someone genuinely sees himself or herself as capable of doing it, all sorts of thing begin to happen. The number of yellow jeeps or wealth existing in the world doesn't change, you just code your radar for possibility.

Establishing a vision requires both art and science. Vision crystallizes possibility into a fundamental, articulated idea. Constructing a vision gives hope possibility-a shape and form. You inhabit the experience of your vision as guide to creating it.
A vision serves as inspiration to design ways to realize it. The most successful businesses have a vision that is also ubiquitous for each person in the organization.

You must construct your own vision.

The criteria to measure success need to be clearly defined.

Wanting to change, to start your life over, to be happy are all imprecise and abstract goals.

Create positive terms for success.

Make your criteria in positive terms of what you want, what you will do.

Be specific, simple, concrete.

Vague and theoretical criteria are not useful, because there is no way to live a theory.

Be entirely present to your experience of the vision: Being in your body, what you feel, what you think.

Now: form a real vision. Picture yourself as you have just succeeded at your goal at a specific time in the future, such as one year from now. Create this success experience specific to time, place, how you would experience yourself, and your body through all five senses. Hold the energy of the precise outcome you've just achieved, the goals met, and the feelings from it. Imagine the details of the scene of your success inside and outside, engaging all senses, thoughts, feelings, and bodily experience along with details of the scene. For example, for a successful transaction, include the values and needs fulfilled, the money you have made from this, the details of what you are doing, such as shaking hands and ushering someone out of your office.

Carve out a few moments at the beginning and the end of each day to read this vision. You're programming a message for success in your mind by creating the experience of having achieved it. This vision statement related to a goal begins the experience and outline of a new story that you can then live into.

You do not have to be motivated in order to plan and act. You can move toward a vision to create its own motivation. Even professional athletes drag themselves to the gym, get started, and when they get in motion then they access a motivated state. They do not wait for motivation to get moving. To wait until you get the energy to exercise doesn't work; you have to exercise in order to get the energy to exercise.
A number of accomplished, creative individuals were asked how they did what they did. Their response had a common thread: they just got up to do the next thing, and only in retrospect did they recognize how important or how immense it was. Or as one writer stated, "I'm just going to be here at my desk from 8:30 to 12:30 and if anything shows up that's worth writing, I'll capture it."

There are ten scientific, aerodynamically proven reasons why bumble bees cannot fly. Yet they do. The bumblebee has transcended factual evidence and obstacle to be able to fly. The bumble bee does not refute or overcome each of the aerodynamic principles, but simply does not engage them, and sets about flying. Working through each of the problems, each bit of scientific data, to disprove the notions of the inability to fly would not result in flying. Resolving problems to come to the end of the past do not create a successful future.

Like the bee, your design is not outside. It is internal, to be created. Your dream--your vision--directs your journey.

In a Harvard study begun in the mid-1950's, 10-15% of the Harvard Business School graduates fashioned a specific vision for their life in business. Five decades later, those 10-15% had 90% of the assets of the entire group.

David Krueger, M.D. is CEO of MentorPath, an executive coaching practice tailored to the needs of coaches, entrepreneurs, and healing professionals (www.MentorPath.com). He is Mentor and Training Coach at Coach Training Alliance. He is author of 11 books on success, money, work, and self-development.

What does continuing education mean to business people?

(David Krueger) — Tue, 14 Feb 2006 06:46:24 -0800

David Krueger

When I coach executives and self employed business people to develop their success skills, they come to know themselves and others better. As they have worked to learn human dynamics, they have used the following strategies to enhance their growth and continue their education.

Schedule time for learning. You have to carve out time for yourself to engage in continuing education, just as you would set aside time for a business appointment. I am often asked, "When do you find time to write?" The answer, of course, is that I never find time to write-I reserve time to write.

Study psychology. The science of human behavior, especially irrational business behavior, garnered a Noble Prize (Daniel Kahneman for psychological insights into behavioral economics). Since our emotions rule our minds, study the emotional aspects of business.

Study fields unrelated to your own. Some of the most promising creative innovations will come from the synthesis and integration of divergent fields of existing knowledge. For example, neuroscience maps the brain to tell us which marketing efforts best capture consumer attention and determine emotionally based decisions. My previous work as a Psychoanalyst helps me apply money psychology in various settings; helping someone become aware of different personality styles can resolve conflict and enhance effectiveness.

Learn to listen empathically. Our best continuing education will come from empathic listening, one person at a time, to those within our professional orbit: colleagues, clients, and competitors. Empathy involves understanding another's experience, feeling, logic, point of view, and way of thinking.

Learn to tell a story with brevity, clarity, simplicity, and humanity. All business is conversation. Stories sell. Facts don't. People buy stories. A stockbroker knows that when a client buys a stock, they are buying a story. Toastmasters offer a wonderful opportunity to develop storytelling. Everyone loves to hear a good story.

Learn from your clients' stories. Rather than trying to sell or network, ask powerful questions to elicit points of view, opinions, and ideas. When you really hear their accomplishments and meaningful experiences, you will be in a more informed place to co-create them.

David Krueger, MD is Mentor and Trainer Coach and Dean of Curriculum at Coach Training Alliance, where he offers an innovative Certified Professional Coach Program for Health Care Specialists.

He practiced and taught Psychiatry and Psychoanalysis as Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at Baylor College of Medicine, is author of 12 books on success, money, work, and self-development, and founded and served as CEO of two healthcare corporations. His web site is www.MentorPath.com